Bittersweet Confession

I honestly don’t know how to start my confession nor should I even go on. I have so much pain inside that I can’t even find words but let me try my best to pour my heart out.

Friends with benefits, casual friends, buddies, call it whatever you want because everything seemed fine at first. However, I valued the friendship so much that I cared for his pain. I've listened to his melancholic curses. He was sad, losing ground and left alone by the girl he loved the most. I wanted to cheer him up for whatever measures I can. I wanted to be his friend but sadly, he kept pushing me away behind my back. I came to assume that maybe; he doesn't need another friend. Days, weeks have passed and I can see him happy again, in love again, and I was truly glad. I have decided happily and sadly to move on with my life leaving the sweet and crazy memories I have with him. It was nothing for him but it meant so much to me admitting I was falling in love but I thought my feelings were unnecessary. I have completely convinced myself it did not matter. I didn’t matter.

With complete acceptance, I could see myself bothered no more. Until it came to an odd point like he appeared at my door again. I was hell of confused. I knew somewhere inside me there was that desire. The desire to prove him that I am worthy, and that I will love him truly. I chose to take the risk of falling.

It’s a very happy and exciting relationship. The sleepless nights, the unplanned events… everything. I have never felt so contented with my relationship. I have never felt affinity like this before so I gave him my understanding ignoring the fact that sometimes I also need to be understood. I always put him first. ALWAYS. I let him enjoy with his friends every time. I never complained even though he never bothers to text me just the least. There were nights I can’t hold back and made some calls, and none were answered. I don’t want to think anything but because I love him, I worry and it drives me crazy not knowing a thing or two. It hurts that I always am the last to know what’s going on in his life. I am so jealous with his friends that always around, that they are more important than me. It hurts that he never tells he misses me. It hurts sometimes to accept his reasons and not letting my feelings show because it still seems they don’t matter. I don’t matter. If I do, my birthday would have been remembered, and so our special day. It hurts so much now, I tell you. And right at this very moment while making this confession, I don’t know why I’m still here hanging around. And that desire to prove him my worth, and to love him truly, is now sweetly and bitterly fulfilled. It’s up to him now to evaluate the value. Everything is up to him now, and that’s all there is to say.

~Phoebe :)

Ode To The One I Love With Affinity

poem by: Phoebe Nicole Rios

I know I’m strong
From all the waves of restlessness I’ve surpassed
Paved with broken chances and promises turned ash
Tempests that rise and fall, toss me over
Now hear me whisper


I know I’m brave
Littered with tears and matters of the heart
I’ve watched my hopes knocked over and built again
I bleed, I've died, I’ve been burned and resurrected
Now listen to me cry


I know I’m weak
Failed again to see through your view point
Trembling to the reflection of my own desires
Hands shivering as I hold your fragile heart
Now tell me how

Where to land on both feet
When to embrace your solemnity while anguish collapse on me
Tell me how to hold you without failing
For tonight, I’m willing to die alone paralytic
To bring forth my love for you

SHADOWS OF FRIENDSHIP AND FAREWELL

(To Davinci Solidarios, the guy i will never ever regret loving and spending my time of my life with. 05.14.12)

The Passing Stranger

poem by: Phoebe Nicole Rios

I’m stuck here
My shadow could no longer hide my torment
My flesh as cold as your damn heart could no longer feel

I wish death would come and take me
If life could never bring you closer to me
I curse but cherish the night I’ve met you!

Your presence brought new violence to my world
You’re just nothing but a stranger
Who made the sun break my dawn
And let my eyes fill with rays of gold and bronze

I’m still stuck here
Watching that sun set in peace from a distant sight
As I kiss your existence forever goodbye…


I wrote this poem somewhere around 2010. It's one of my favorite Gothic poems I've written as it speaks about betrayal and letting go without hesitation.

SHOPPING TIPS

 by: Phoebe Nicole Rios

"What works for me might not work for you."

>MAKE YOUR MONEY WORTH IT
Quality is always my top priority. That does not mean it has to be expensive. The items must be in reasonable prices. Not too expensive, not too cheap. Well, this is for an average person like me. =)

Check out small time boutiques/stores. Sometimes, consumers think that items-found-in-the-mall are always the "best". When buying, you should be meticulous. I mean, do some simple observations. Does the place have permits? (e.g.tax permit, etc. usually hanging at the counter). Look around and notice what kind of costumers come inside.

TAKE TIME comparing and contrasting. Remember, you're shopping, not rush buying. KNOW what you want.

FASHION AND FUNCTION, as for me should go hand in hand. Sometimes unnecessary accents are simply not cool. Just imagine, scarf around your neck in a hot sunny day? :)

~COMFORT SHOPPING TIPS~
I sometimes hit the mall with baggage and stuffs in my hand. So, leave them in the baggage counter.

Sure! it looks so fab and sassy when you wear stilettos or high heels. But when you go around for shopping, it's so not comfortable. Wearing closed shoes sometimes annoys me when shopping foot-wears.

Okay, so when you feel like using the "sit of happiness"...it's interrupting, right? I suggest, you better hit the comfort room first before shopping.

It's always wise to have your shopping list with you. It saves time and effort.... and money!

One of my secrets is knowing when the mall are going to sale. In this case,I can window shop and familiarize the items I'm going to buy are placed. They might, transfer some but at least I already know what I want to buy. HEY! don't be overwhelmed by "70% discount on this item"...let's face it.. we're always victims .. buying an item because of the discount and realizing you don't really need it. :)

Note that when window shopping, resist buying anything unless it's necessary.

That's it for now... happy shopping...

Girl Scouting

I'm proud to be a Girl Scout!!! Scouting had broaden my horizon. It opened the door of greater opportunities for me. So I am proud to say, I wasn't just an ordinary girl.

There are many extracurricular activities in High School that a student can choose. I thought to my self, "I can't just spend my entire high school without making something different". There are more things to learn outside than just sitting inside the four corners of the room.

Then there was scouting. Watching boy scouts doing outdoor stuffs had challenged me. I personally love adventure, outdoor, survival challenges, and the like. Perhaps, scouting fits my interest.

Once, a thought came into me, "how am I suppose to get to the top?". When I came in, there were like a hundred plus girl scouts in our school alone. But then I managed to excel. Still, I wanted to shine in the Province. I attended several seminars, trainings, encampments. I did personal studies just to enhance my skills and knowledge. But it was not that easy, I had to sacrifice my time and I had to put everything together.

Applying in Chief Girl Scout Medal Scheme was even a greater challenge to my part. Not all girl scouts can afford to become one. Of course, there will be financial sacrifice yet more importantly, time and effort. But with moral support, guidance, inspiration, and dedication, doing the job is like munching a piece of cake.

Team Neg. Occ.



The Taoist Temple in Beverly Hills, Cebu.. Regional Senior & Cadet Encampment 2006.

Regional Senior and Cadet Encampment, Cebu City. During the "outdoor challenges".

My Chief Girl Scout Medal.
The Chief Girl Scout Medal is awarded to the girl upon successful completion of the Scheme. In addition, a Logbook has to be submitted to the GSP National Headquarters to be evaluated by a Task Force.